Hallway Encounter

(An Analysis Using Communication Theories)

by Raphael Emmanuel Chiu Pulgar

2005-65389

COMA101-B

Prof. Antonino Salvador S. de Veyra

March 24, 2008

Hallway Encounter

(An Analysis Using Communication Theories)

Picture this:

You see her from across the hallway: hair flowing like the clear and ever cool waters of mountain springs, her skin white like the tiles she glides so effortlessly on, and her eyes… Oh, her eyes they seem to be calling to you from afar. Her arms form a perfect angle with her hands on her waist. But what’s this? You notice her arms are entwined with someone else’s and you feel your heart sink. He is well built, groomed to perfection and wears nothing worth below Php1,000. Yes, it’s her boyfriend.

As she walks by, you take a deep breath and try to look her in the eye. Fortunately for you, she takes notice and looks straight back at you. You can’t help but sneak out a smile after this encounter. Just a few moments into your smirk, her boyfriend leers at you like a jealous tiger waiting to claw deep into your guts. You think to yourself: ‘holy shit’ while you try to look ahead. You walk faster to your next class because you’re late for sir De Veyra’s class but you don’t hurry to get inside: ‘He’s probably going to be late anyway.’ you say to yourself as you slowly enter the door.

As you plop down on your usual spot near the air conditioner, you think a little: ‘I just looked at her and smiled! What harm is there in that? But on a side note… she noticed me.’ From somewhere distant you hear someone greet the class good morning but you’re already floating amidst the clouds of Jupiter.

She sifts through the busy corridor full of UP students much like a comb slides through her salon straightened hair. Her arms are kept under lock-and-key by her psychotic, ‘51 messages received’ boyfriend.’What a boring day.’ she says to herself. Meanwhile, A face in the crowd emerges and his eyes seems to look straight into her own. She looks at him briefly, then rolls her eyes and resumes to think about what might be on the menu at Marichu’s. ‘I wonder if they have chicken fillet..’ she asks herself without noticing her boyfriend’s irked stare. ‘did that guy just…’, her boyfriend motions to interrogate but she simply replies with a smirk.

Do you or have you been in the same situation as the guy in the story? It is quite normal amongst teenagers to have such an encounter as this especially in school. Let us look at the situation according to Ray Birdwhistell’s Kinesics:

(names used in this example will be used throughout the writing)

Kine 01: Guy looks at girl.

Kine 02: Girl briefly looks back at guy

Kine 03: Guy smiles

Kine 04: Girl rolls her eyes

Kine 05: Boyfriend notices guy smiling gives leers at him

Kine 06: Guy avoids eye contact with girl’s boyfriend

Kine 07: Boyfriend proceeds to ask the girl about the guy

Kine 08: Girl smirks at boyfriend

Kinesics is also commonly known as body language (Littlejohn). Each action is called a “kine” and each kine subsequently leads to another, particularly as a reaction by another individual (Tubbs). The first kine in the sequence was initiated by the guy. He seems to be showing interest towards the girl and he decides to show this interest by looking directly at her eyes. Eye contact can be an extremely powerful communication tool. The duration of eye contact can reveal how interested we are in the opposite party and in this case, our guy seems very interested. Theorem 10 of Berger’s Uncertainty Reduction theory states that nonverbal expressions and liking are positively related. (Griffin)

Eye contact can also be a means for self disclosure. From the discussions of the Social Penetration Theory by Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor (Griffin), it can be said that the guy wants his interest in the girl to be disclosed by showing it nonverbally. It was a good choice for him to choose eye contact because he and the girl have never met until this point and therefore he has not “peeled off” her “onion skin” just yet. In addition, the boyfriend was in close proximity of the girl and would hear him if he had opted for a verbal disclosure of his interest. Theorem 5 of the uncertainty reduction theory states that the amount of communication and liking are positively related. (Griffin)

The guy also places an expectation upon the girl. This is according to Judy Burgoon’s Expectancy Violation Theory. (Littlejohn). When he tried to establish eye contact, he expects a favorable action (such as the second kine). His expectation however can be violated if the girl presents a non-favorable action such as a bad glare, a verbal reprimand such as: “What are you looking at?”, or a simple slap to the face if he simply stared too long.

The second kine is a reaction the first. The girl gives the guy a little glance of minuscule interest in reply to the guy’s initial eye contact. Because of her reaction, the guy’s expectation has been partially fulfilled. Partial because it seems she chose this reaction because her attention became momentarily focused on the guy thus distracting her of her thoughts on lunch, not because she likes him. A verbal reprimand would also be an option but she does not seem to show that much interest in the guy enough to do so.

She had to think about what to do after receiving the first action. This is where the Social Judgment Theory comes into play. People categorize the acceptance or rejection of actions and reactions by weighing them with their own standards (Littlejohn). Here she seems to be non-committed to his interest and to acknowledge it, she looks back towards him briefly as if to say “Okay, I like the fact that you seem interested in me but I’m quite preoccupied with some thoughts such as my hunger.”

The third Kine has the guy smiling after the girl looks at her. Even though in reality his expectation has only been partially fulfilled, he perceives it as a total fulfillment and interprets the girl’s look as an acknowledgment to his interest in her. He also places her reaction to be highly acceptable in accordance to the Social Judgment Theory. He then continues the exchange by showing a smile to signify his acceptance of reaction even though it was not what she meant.

The fourth kine is a negative reaction to the third because she rolls her eyes. Eye rolling may indicate condescension, contempt, boredom, or exasperation. This is a provocative form of communication much like sarcasm. It could also be a nonvocal way of sighing or venting frustration without making it really obvious.. In context, the girl’s eye rolling may mean: “Is that all you can do?”

Her expectation of the guy’s reaction was not exactly as she predicted. His unexpected reaction caused the girl to be surprised. She could think, “I didn’t think you would do that. Amuse me more then.” because she has been through a particularly boring day and wants the guy to do something to take her mind off of things. In that short span of eye contact, he has grabbed her attention. But he has failed to maintain it by not doing anything.

It could also mean that she is not interested in the guy and is simply shrugging him off. Although the former explanation is more plausible, this could also be a possibility given the conditions of the situation, her personality, and emotions.

The fifth kine deals more on gender roles and social constructs. The boyfriend finally becomes aware of the exchange of gestures between the girl and guy. It is man’s primal motivation to defend his property or territory and leering is a dominance cue. It is the boyfriend’s way of saying “I’m the one in control”. It may also be a sign of insecurity. (Adams)

In folklore, this can be called “giving someone the evil eye”. The boyfriend seems envious of the attention the guy got from his girlfriend and that his efforts of trying to get her own girlfriend’s attention such as texting her non-stop isn’t working. He resorts to giving him a piercing glare to emphasize that what’s his is his.

Kine six deals with eye contact aversion. The guy avoids eye contact with the boyfriend as a sign of shame. Its sort of like saying “Oh shit, I got caught”. It might be because he does not want to see the reaction of the boyfriend about his previous actions. He could have also averted eye contact for a positive intention such as respect or submission. The boyfriend’s stare was an action of assertion while the guy’s aversion was a reaction of submission. Gazing at another’s eyes arouses strong emotions. Through my observation, eye contact rarely lasts longer than three seconds before one or both people avert eyes. The mind can only handle so much emotions that they have to break free of each others gaze and it seems that in this situation, the boyfriend has more capacity to handle or tolerate strong emotions.

After breaking eye contact, the guy proceeds to his regular itinerary while the boyfriend starts to ask the girl a question. Of course he does not immediately accuse the girl of anything. And so he asks “did that guy just (smile at you)?” but he was cut off by the girlfriend’s reaction. This is kine six Theorem 16 of the Uncertainty Reduction theory states that posing questions and liking are negatively related. This is because it breeds doubt and suspicion in a relationship. And axiom 4 of the same theory explains that high levels of uncertainty in a relationship lead to less sharing and emotional intimacy. Low levels of uncertainty allow for more sharing and emotional intimacy. And axiom 7 which states that an increase in uncertainty will lead to a decrease in liking.(Griffin)

The last kine in the series has the girl smirking. This may not be directed to anyone but can be received by anyone. Even those not related to the communication process itself. This act may mean that she has been slightly amused by her boyfriend’s reaction, or that she is simply telling boyfriend to relax and a sign of assurance that what happened wasn’t significant. Smirking is almost always unconscious. It occurs when a happy thought has been conjured. She may be saying to herself: “This made my day”

It can be quite amazing what can happen within a span of 10 seconds in a hallway full of people. The guy sees a girl and looks at her. The girl sees him and gives him a short glance. After seeing that he has caught her attention somehow, he smiles. However this also caught the attention of the boyfriend. The guy’s reaction is different of course as he has no interest in socially “penetrating” the boyfriend as much as he wants to with the girl (pun intended). So he resorts to backing off as a sign of respect (or shame) to the boyfriend. As the guy continues to his class he is left with thoughts of the girl and how she reacted. He would try to decode what the girl was thinking and why she reacted the way she did. The girl on the other hand has more things to worry about than some guy she caught staring at her in the hallway. She seems to be more concerned on how her boyfriend reacted in this situation and that gave her a sense of happiness. In the end, the guy was successful in slightly giving out his existence to the girl and gives way for a future conversation or more self disclosure. If he had not done that one little thing of looking straight into her eyes with so much interest, he would have been another face in the crowd. The girl also was bored so it would have been interesting for her to see a fight go on between the guy and her boyfriend. A friend of mine said that if she were the girl, shed love to see them in conflict. As the guy, I would have not averted my eyes and confronted him. If somehow we got into a fight, I would keep looking at the girl to show that I am really interested in her.

We human beings are very capable of communicating in various ways. Not just by utterances but also through our movements. Even our odors can spell out details like how you did not take a bath this morning. We are not always aware of what we are telling the world. We always seem to take nonverbal communication for granted in our everyday lives. As teenagers or young adults, encounters like this are normal in our everyday lives. In fact it may color our day good or bad. We take things like this for granted because in such a short period of time, too much is happening even for the most experienced communicator to decode. But a little bit of awareness could make us choose the right actions and reactions in similar situations.

Printed References:

Griffin, Em. A First Look at Communication Theory. 6th ed. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill, 2006

Adams, J.S.. Inequity in social exchange. Adv. Exp. Soc. Psychol.. New York: Academic

Press, 1965

Littlejohn, Stephen. Theories of Human Communication. 4^th ed. California: International Thompson Publishing Company, 1997.

Tubbs, Stewart, and Sylvia Moss. Human Communication. 8^th ed. Michigan: Eastern Michigan University Press, 2000.

Phillips, Bob. A Humorous Look At Love & Marriage. Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1981

Online References:

http://www.uky.edu/~drlane/capstone/interpersonal/evt.html

http://www.as.wvu.edu/~sbb/comm221/chapters/judge.htm

http://ali.apple.com/edres/parents/playgrd/footstmp.shtml

http://members.aol.com/nonverbal3/eyecon.htm

jim,

i think that you she doesn’t want you to see the diary because it might contain information that could possibly hurt you. yes, it disturbs the fabric of trust but think of it this way, she might think that you’d be ready to accept whatever is written in that diary and of course, the more you bug her about it, the more she feels that the writings are a threat to the relationship. you could tell her to show it to you when she is ready but from then on, do not bother her about it.  every person has a field of privacy around them and of course she isnt comfortable about you trying to enter that field. it takes time.

mr narrator,

i can see by your banter that you had a really bad experience with your family after coming home for vacation. first of all, moms can get really annoying especially when you hit the age of your adult awareness and independence. your mother seems to have a hard time accepting that her “precious little child” is all grown up. she doesnt want to feel that shes not needed and it actually shows by her constant attachment to you. of course, you were probably too irked to notice that. however, you could have started the conversation right.

most arguments occur, not by conflicting ideas, but with the improper tone of voice. and of course, conflict arose when you changed YOUR tone of voice to show that youre being bothered. you could have spoken in a more comforting manner when you spoke of your autonomy. when you said you wished shed focus more on what you said than how you said it, it cant be avoided. we decode information from other people by both what they say and HOW they say it. did you take time to listen to how she said “youre still my precious little child”?. i guess not.

since youre taking communication now and not premed, i assume you know Watzlawick’s interactional view. if not go and read up. it would be useful to know how to react to your family matters with those concepts in mind.

“I tried to be assertive about my needs and values and have done my best not to back down”

the thing is, the more you try not to back down, the more evident it becomes. especially when youre being irksome and assertive. of course, you have been away quite some time and they dont know how much youve changed. but that doesnt mean they cant accept you. its cliche but be yourself. and try not to blow a fuse the moment you hit a bump in your communication between your family.

about your sister, shes just jealous because the past year (?) she has been the center of attention and she got used to it. if you could talk to her and tell her that the attention youre getting isnt really wanted, shed understand you more. right now its complimentary communication youre dealing with. since shes being territorial about your parents’ attention, explain to her that you didnt mean to steal the limelight away from her. of course, your tone of voice will matter.

and oh. dont bother your roommate. he doesnt need to hear your banter.

i was tagged. this is the first entry ive made in over a year.

8 random things about me
1. i am a liar. maybe its my first defense mechanism. maybe its my way of escaping reality. all i know is, its a hard habit to break. although i can be honest, i seem to use lies as a way of gaining things or thoughts. this is the part i hate about myself and it hurts me when i hurt others. unfortunately, i cant seem to stop. changing it
2. i cant survive without assurance of who i am. i may fabricate false realities. i may even believe them. but i can never go on with my life without people who are able to knock some sense into me and not abandon me once im back on track. i cant live without people brave enough to tell me who i am. i dont need to know who i was, i dont need to know who i can be. i just need to know what im doing from YOUR point of view.

3. i tend to eat a lot at “one time” events. like if its a regular meal, my appetite is normal. but if its pizza or anything special like lechon, i dig in and dont really care how much i eat.

4. i love feeling important. but i hate being praised.

5. i like to waste time reading random stuff in wikipedia.

6. im guilty of using socks more than one day.

7. i have the messiest room in the world.

8. the first accident i witnessed was ironically, my own. i have a scar on my forehead (barely visible now) when i crashed head on to a multicab while riding a motorcycle.

im tagging:

trix

julie

francis

and i dunno anyone else who reads this blog.